Coffee really is a Mom's best friend...

Except for about a month total, I have not slept straight through the night since the boys were born. Wow was last night rough! I don't think I could even tell you how many times I was up with the boys....they were having night terrors, and I had a terrible nightmare myself. It was a bad night of sleep. Only to have our day start at 4:30 when Isaac woke Christopher up with his yelling. But Isaac didn't really want CJ to get up, he just wanted me to get up so that he could have some alone time with Mommy. Well boy did that backfire! He was then so mad that he yelled for the next 2 hours straight. I'm sure our neighbors just loved us this morning. Finally around 7AM I got him to be happy for a little bit, only to break down again.

At 9:15 they finally wanted to snuggle, and at 9:30 they went down for a nap. Talk about throwing off our day when they were suppose to meet our Occupational Therapist at the library. Of course I tried to nap while they did, but after 3 cups of coffee just to be able to function for them, there was no napping for me. So what do I do, but decide I'm going to organize all the things that don't need to be organized. By 5PM when our Speech Therapist left I just wanted to curl up in a ball and go to sleep. But of course that wasn't about to happen because Brian then had to leave for work. So now it's back to tonight. Will they sleep? Will I sleep? Well now they have black sheets hanging from their windows to keep the sun out in the morning, I have 2 fans on medium to try to drown out the birds that begin chirping at 4AM and the door is shut tight in hopes of keeping the cats from going in and crying to wake up the boys (they seem to enjoy this on the nights when I am exhausted)

I'm really hoping that the meltdowns from Isaac yesterday and today are from being over-tired and not having an ear infection. The poor thing has had many, many diapers today, has refused to walk the entire day and just yells at me. It's hard to tell with him, it could be the pineapple I gave him for breakfast and lunch or it could be an infection. Since it's now quarter of seven, I'm really hoping it's just being tired because there is nothing worse than having to go to the doctors on a weekend. We've done it far too much!

I just looked at pictures of the boys on our first Mother's Day. Wow. The words aren't even there to really express it. The tears are flowing and the joy I have is amazing. There were so many times that doctors tried to rib us of the joy of Isaac. They had no hope of him surviving and had pretty much written him off. They told us that there was nothing more they could do for him at CCMC and it was just a waiting game to see how long his liver could hold off before he really went into liver failure from not being able to eat. I didn't realize until this moment just how bad his color was. I saw it, and it was real to me, but I wasn't willing to accept it then. Not my Isaac. God told me I was pregnant with twins before the doctor ever told me, and He gave them each a name without us ever finding out if they were going to be girls or boys. There was no way I was going to give up on my sweet Isaac, the little guy who smiled at me just a few days after being born. He was loved so much by so many people. Sure there were tons of ups and downs where our faith was tried. Actually to be honest there were more times during Isaac's 8 months in the hospital than I ever imagined in a lifetime. But because we had such an amazing support system, we were able to stay strong even when we didn't have it in us. Thank you all so much for being there for us!!!!!

This is a picture from our first Mother's Day. Brian is holding Isaac, and I am holding Christopher. The first time in four months that the boys got to touch. The first time Brian and I were able to stand next to each other with a child in each of our arms. This was also the last time that Isaac would be in CT for four months because he was being transferred to Boston the next day. This was also the first time I got to take Christopher outside. For the first time he was able to experience what fresh air felt like, even though he was hooked up to a monitor and oxygen. For the first time I got to push my child in a stroller.....but the pain of not being able to push them both in the stroller was hard. The pain of not being able to bring both of my children home was hard. Life was so hard back then.

Even when things are hard now, and we don't sleep...or the boys scream for hours.....or we have to go back and forth to the doctors...nothing compares to what things were like 2 years ago. God has been so amazing to us. He has answered all of our prayers and more. I know for a fact that there is no way that Brian and I ever could have gotten through the last 2 years without Him and without all our family and friends. Thank you all!!!!!