Running is a new sense of joy and relief!

For almost three years we have lived an emotional roller coaster ride with more bumps than I ever imagined. However for the first time in three years, I have had three days of nothing but the joys of whizzing downhill with my hair blowing in the wind. Joy, peace, happiness, excitement....these are the things that for the first time our family is experiencing without a 'but' at the end of it. We don't care what tomorrow brings, today is amazing!

December was a month of pure hell, plain and simple. Each one of us was sick on and off the entire month, but the worst of it was during Christmas. Isaac caught a stomach bug on the Wednesday night before Christmas. Lets just say our our house was a mess on Thursday. Thursday night Christopher caught a cold. He woke up at 2AM struggling to breathe. He was doing the full belly breathing and couldn't even get a word out. Thanks to many struggles with this, I knew how to get him under a bit of control. Quick dose of Oral Predisone and a double dose of Pulmacort in his nebulizer. After about 20 minutes I was able to get his breathing under control. In all reality I should have gone to the ER, however we've been through this so much that I was confident that I knew that I was doing exactly what they could do. Christopher began his sick plan right away, and soon to follow was Isaac with the same symptoms. So on Tuesday, off the Pediatrician we went. Both boys began Oral Predisone, nebulizer treatments 4-5 times a day and antibiotics. None of this would have been bad, except that Isaac had a massive reaction to the medicine. He had a very strong reaction to the Predisone....much more than he ever did before. He was inconsolable, had difficulty doing anything...eating, drinking, walking and of course with a child that is already underweight and can't maintain his vitamins there are many fears that this is it.

With the knowledge that we are to be on the lookout for brain malfunction.

I know that I should have taken all this as a time to reach out to our church and loved ones for prayer, encouragement and support, but quite honestly I couldn't. My heart just couldn't bear one more moment of the fear. The heartache I have had to live with each day as I watch my child go up and down, needles, tests, appointments, observations...I wondered how much was too much. Was this what people meant when they would look me in the face and say, "How much are you going to put him through Jenn?" So I finally did what a dear friend said, and I took one hour for myself. I took a long shower, sat in my room and prayed. God led me to Isaiah 61:3 "He will provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor." Wow did this speak to my broken Mommy heart! Here I was, suffering in my own misery and thinking that after three years things aren't going to get any better. How dare me to think that! I meditated on this for a while and realized that I knew I could trust that despite my present pain, God has plans for my/our future. He is able to use whatever we are going through today to display his splendor through us tomorrow. It's up to me to trust without seeing and to open my heart without fear and doubts. So that I did.

Three days ago, I asked Christopher to pray for Isaac. It was so sweet...."God please keep Isaac safe. Make him my brother. Heal him. Make him play with me. Make him happy. I love you." (Of course this was in broken toddler words:) ) From that day till today, we have seen HUGE miracles happen! The nightmares that were plaguing Christopher are gone! Isaac is so much happier. Both boys have slept twelve hour nights and 2 hours of naps. But most importantly....Isaac is on the move! His intestinal pain doesn't seem as great as it was and he has a new sense of independence! This little man is a new guy!

For the first time today, I was able to experience the joy of running after my toddler twins at church. They each took off in different directions! JOY!!!! I can't tell you how happy I was running after them, although it would have been better if it wasn't in front of so many people :) 

Today in the beginning of the service, God put Proverbs 3: 5-7 on my heart, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." This is what I did at the beginning of church, and at the end, my boys were running on their own darting through people. Trusting God, people, situations, life in general...it's so hard. But walking out three years of pain, despair, joy, patience, peace, tears, guilt, happiness...it has made me such a better person today than I was three years ago. I